Things You Can Only Say At The Holidays

Things you can only say at Christmas! 

1. Talk about a huge breast!

2. Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist.

3. It’s Cool Whip time!

4. If I don’t undo my pants, I’ll burst!

5. Whew, that’s one terrific spread!

6. I’m in the mood for a little dark meat.

7. Are you ready for seconds yet?

8. It’s a little dry, do you still want to eat it?

9. Just wait your turn, you’ll get some!

10. Don’t play with your meat.

11. Just spread the legs open and stuff it in.

12. Do you think you’ll be able to handle all these people at once?

13. I didn’t expect everyone to come at once!

14. You still have a little bit on your chin.

15. How long will it take after you stick it in?

16. You’ll know it’s ready when it pops up.

17. Wow, I didn’t think I could handle all of that!

18. That’s the biggest one I’ve ever seen!

19. How long do I beat it before it’s ready!

 

Political Lightbulb Jokes

This was emailed to me, so I have no ideas as to the source. But I thought it was a nice explanation of the various US political factions:

How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?

The old one was fine. You must be some kind of pinko commie socialist liberal if you want to change it.

How many liberals does it take to change a light bulb?

Only strong government regulation can save us from a recurrence of the “burned out light-bulb” problem.

How many centrists does it take to change a light bulb?

The light bulb problem is caused by the ideological rift in our society between left and right, and if only people were more reasonable it would have been changed long ago.

How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb?

Why do I have to change the light bulb?

How many libertarians does it take to change a light bulb?

Don’t worry about it. Market forces will take care of it.

How many environmentalists does it take to change a light bulb?

No light bulb, no carbon emissions. It’s better if you don’t change it.

A Good Word For Sprint

With all of the grief Sprint customer service takes, I thought it only fair that I pass on a couple of good words.

Last month, I purchased a Spint USB wireless internet card. I spend a lot of time waiting on boys at their various activities, and with that and a netbook, I plan on being more productive.

At any rate, when the device arrived, I couldn’t get it to work. So I called Sprint, got a representative within a couple of minutes and he was quickly able to get me up and running. As it turns out, I wasn’t doing one of the procedures in the correct fashion.

Yesterday, I noticed that my current bill had a couple of charges on it from an unknown third party. I called Sprint, and after poking through an automated menu (about thirty seconds worth), immediately got through to a customer service rep. She found the charges on my bill, reversed them, and blocked the third party from any further activity. I was done in no time.

The third party charges apparently came from something Mrs. GolfBlogger clicked on in Facebook. So a warning to FaceBook users: there’s some shady business on that site.

Sprint has been my carrier for a couple of years, and I’m really very pleased with the company overall. Prices are good and the service in my experience has always been excellent. Even better: I have never, ever had a dopped call, and even “Up North” in sparsely populated areas have always had a signal.

Next on my wish list: a Sprint Palm Pre. I’ve been a Palm (Pilot) user for more than a decade, and am ready to make the move to gadget that will combine my Palm with a phone (one less device to carry). What’s sold me on the Pre is that it actually will run all of my Palm OS software through something called Motion Apps. There are tens of thousands of mature, useful and fun applications for the Palm OS, of which I am running a couple of dozen on my current device. This backward compatibility puts to the lie the Apple propaganda that the Pre is short on applications. And the fact that you can write a Palm Pre application with just HTML and Java means that there are far more coming in the near future.

One Palm app that I can’t live without: Documents to Go, which lets me use my Palm work with Word, PowerPoint and Excel files in their native format.

You Might Be From Michigan

This was emailed to me the other day. Dont’ know the source, but it sounds like a mutated Jeff Foxworthy bit:

If you consider it a sport to gather your food by drilling through 18 inches of ice and sitting there all day hoping that the food will swim by, you might live in Michigan

If you’re proud that your region makes the national news 96 nights each year because Pelston is the coldest spot in the nation, you might live in Michigan

If your local Dairy Queen is closed from November through March, you might live in Michigan

If you instinctively walk like a penguin for five months out of the year, you might live in Michigan.

If someone in a store offers you assistance, and they don’t work there, You might live in Michigan

If your dad’s suntan stops at a line curving around the middle of his forehead, you might live in Michigan

If you have worn shorts and a coat at the same time, you might live in Michigan

If your town has an equal number of bars and churches, you might live in Michigan

If you have had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number, you might live in Michigan

Part 2 – You know you’re a true MICHIGANDER when………….

1. “Vacation” means going up north on I-75.

2. You measure distance in hours.

3. You know several people who have hit a deer more than once.

4. You often switch from “heat” to “A/C” in the same day.

5. You can drive 65 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard, without flinching.

6. You see people wearing camouflage at social events (including weddings and proms).

7. You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.

8. You carry jumper cables in your car and your girlfriend knows how to use them.

9. You design your kid’s Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.

10. Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow.

11. You know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter and road construction.

12. You can identify a southern or eastern accent.

13. Your idea of creative landscaping is a statue of a deer next to your blue spruce.

14. You were unaware that there is a legal drinking age.

15. Down South to you means Ohio

16. A brat is something you eat.

17. Your neighbor throws a party to celebrate his new pole shed.

18. You go out to fish fry every Friday.

19. Your 4th of July picnic was moved indoors due to frost.

20. You have more miles on your snow blower than your car.

21. You find 0 degrees “a little chilly.”

22. You drink pop and bake with soda.

23. Your doctor tells you to drink Vernors and you know it’s not medicine.

24. You know what a yooper is.

25. You think owning a Honda is Un American.

26. You know that UP is a place not a direction

27. You know it’s possible to live in a thumb.

When Your Computer Won’t Recognize Your Flash Drive

Note: FlashDriveBlog is gone—I lost interest—but the page that everyone wants to see on what do do when your Windows XP computer won’t recognize your flash drive will reside here on my main blog—http://www.golfblogger.com

If your Windows XP computer is not recognizing your flash drive, its likely that you computer simply is confused as to what drive letter to assign to the memory stick. Fortunately, the fix is a simple one. This trick also works when your computer refuses to recognize a USB drive or other removable storage device.

First, hit Windows+E to open an Explorer window.

Select “My Computer.”

Right click and choose “Manage” from the contextual menu. This will open a window called “Computer Management.”

Select “Disk Management”, which is under “Storage”

On the bottom right side of the window, you’ll see a list of all of the storage devices currently attached to the computer. If your flash drive is listed there, that’s great—you can fix the problem. If not, this solution won’t work.

Right click on the drive listed in that window. This will bring up a contextual menu. Choose “Change Drive Letter and Paths.”

This will bring up yet another window, which will show your “missing” drive. Choose “Change” at the bottom.

Another window will pop up. This one will have a drop down menu on the right hand side. Choose a letter “higher” than the one currently assigned to the drive. If it’s “E”, for example, choose a letter between “F” and “Z.” Its probably best to pick one toward the end of the alphabet.

Once you’ve selected a drive letter, a warning message will come up saying that “Changing The Drive Letter of a Volume Might Cause Programs No Longer To run.”

That’s OK. It’s likely that all you’ve got on the drive is data. Click on Yes.

That will return you to the Computer Management Window.

Your drive now should function properly.

The Tiki Room

I’m taking a step away from serious politics today to share a site that I’ve found: The Tiki Room

I’ve always been kind of a retro guy. When my friends were listening to Led Zeppelin and Fog Hat in high school, I was listening to Frank Sinatra. Bogart was my hero. I wore a white dinner jacket and fedora to the prom. I still think Arnold Palmer is the king.

And … here’s a frightening confession … I like Tiki culture.